we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize