I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
