hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does one acquire holy water?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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