fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
