I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
