i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
