My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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