i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
