"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
