A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Even my vagina gasped.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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