But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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