i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
