im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize