dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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