i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
