my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a search helicopter?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
