Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sarcasm needs its own font
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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