He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
