Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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