I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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