I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
