maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
