come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
