Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
two words: eviction party
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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