His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there is glitter all over my balls
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