ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
