I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
