Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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