We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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