she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
