I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
