Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
