the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
