You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
