she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
