They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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