Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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