im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
