some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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