i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
