Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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