8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
