i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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