i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
