His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
