I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
