TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
