I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
