your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pooping to opera.
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