May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
