I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
