would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize