WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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