I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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