Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
