drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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