So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
