theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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