She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
