In the future we'll all be gay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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