you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
