Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The uberlube is also flammable
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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