your room smells of hookers.
And success
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
