what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
