You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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