I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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