He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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