I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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