She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize