is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
