I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
