I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
