did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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