I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
