drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
as a side note pls kill me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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