hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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